Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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