Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
