We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
