The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
