Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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