you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
