idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry about my life...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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