He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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