I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's Friday. Sex?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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