I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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