I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
