TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
