You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
