i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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