I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
