is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do vagina's smell?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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