Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
