Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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