me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
