My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
