whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
