one two three fourrrrnication!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
