Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
