umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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