oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
