Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Terrible idea I love it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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