I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize