Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize