I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
