So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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