happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
