Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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