Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
