its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
