she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize