I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
