it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
