Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
