This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize