My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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