Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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