I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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