Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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