trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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