whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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