3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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