hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
