I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
