Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
