my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
