Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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