i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dignity is for republicans.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
