Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
