Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
