you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
