I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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