So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
