Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
