i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
