just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize