Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
