you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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