would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize