Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
