I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize