I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
