is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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