I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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