Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Girls should come with a carfax report
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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