there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
